You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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