I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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