I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He keeps bees of course he's weird
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
