i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
