It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Randomize
