think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Did I show you my penis last night?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
