I wish my penis had an off switch
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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