He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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