When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize