im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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