I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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