If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
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