i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Found the puke drawer
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
