I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
