are you still at the devil's house?
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
