I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
