I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
