He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
