My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
she peed on how many people?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize
