you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
bring money and cleavage
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize