this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
