i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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