And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Randomize