im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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