You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
