i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Terrible idea I love it
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
