i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize