Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
ttyl tear gas
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
