Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Randomize
