I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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