New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Randomize
