Can i not drive my cunt home
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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