God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize