i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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