i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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