i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
