You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
