Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
