after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
