I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
