i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
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