I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
