My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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