A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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