just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
