I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
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