Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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