I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
