I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
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