I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Randomize