Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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