can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
