new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
