What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
