The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i will never coherently bang her
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
