I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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