I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
