I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
