There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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