So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
