so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
