also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
