I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
