I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
