once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
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