I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
