I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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