it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Randomize
