and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
