You just made me feel so damn special
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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