It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
