Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
