Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Randomize
