i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
