Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
