Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
